A Man’s Random Thoughts

• I’ve accidentally swallowed some Scrabble blocks. I guess my next bowel movement could spell disaster!

• After both of us suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, “Bugger it, I’ll soldier on!”

• I woke up this morning at 8, and could just feel something was wrong. I went downstairs and found the wife laying face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked! I didn’t know what to do. Then I remembered….The restaurant down the road serves breakfast until 11:30.

• My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, “I wish you a slow and painful death. “Oh,” I replied, “so now you want me to stay?!”