Interaction with the In-Laws
Saintly Women around Siddeeq – Wife of Qari Siddeeq #4
The wife of Qari Siddeeq (rahimahullah) lived under the same roof as her mother-in-law for approximately thirty years. During this lengthy period, she displayed exemplary conduct in her excellent manner of interacting, dealing and serving her mother-in-law. When people live in such close proximity for such a long period, it is obvious that a situation will occasionally arise in which there is some friction between the two parties. Despite these occasional misunderstandings, she always strove to display exemplary character in her interaction with her mother-in-law. On account of both her excellent character and the excellent character of her mother-in-law, these occasional misunderstandings would soon be forgotten and the great harmony which they shared in the home would prevail.
When the mother of Qari Siddeeq (rahimahullah) fell ill towards the end of her life, and became so weak that she was unable to even work, it was his wife who served her tirelessly until her end. She would help her to sit, lie down, go to the toilet, eat, drink and would also wash her clothes and attend to every other work of hers. By serving her mother-in-law in this manner, she secured her happiness.
She was very particular regarding her relationship with her own daughters-in-law as well. Hence, as per her husband’s advice, she made arrangements for her daughters-in-law to live in their own, separate quarters from the very beginning of their married lives. This was to ensure that they would all enjoy a harmonious relationship, and to avoid ill feelings and clashes arising. Despite living separately, however, they were not in any way estranged or cut off from one another. Instead, their bond with one another was such that it was as if they were all together.
The result of her excellent, accommodating attitude with her daughters-in-law was that they took her to be their own mother and were prepared to cook for her and help her at any time. In fact, such was their harmony that they were eager and considered it their good fortune to be given the chance to cook for their father-in-law.
(Reference: Hayaate Siddeeq pgs. 78 & 237 and Tazkiratus Siddeeq, vol. 1, pg. 609)
1. Although it is not a compulsory duty of the daughter-in-law to serve her mother-in-law, the wife of Qari Siddeeq (rahimahullah) went the extra mile in serving her mother-in-law, thereby securing her happiness, taking her du‘aas and winning the heart of her husband.
2. In order to maintain harmony and happiness, we should be ultra-cautious when interacting with our in-laws, be they our daughters-in-law or our mothers-in-law. The husband will never be happy if his wife and mother are constantly complaining about one another. Clashes between these two parties often becomes a recipe for a disaster in the marriage.
3. It is natural for people to occasionally disagree with one another. However, we should not allow these occasional disagreements to derail our harmony and love to the extent that we are now unprepared to even make salaam to one another. Instead a person blessed with good character will immediately seek to reconcile and will even be prepared to shoulder the blame – even if not blameworthy – to achieve this purpose