Please advise is it permissible for a wife to borrow money without the husband’s approval or having discussed this with him. Also there are numerous ahadith as to how the husband should treat his wife how should a wife treat her husband even if it comes to disagreeing on something with regards to her parents. Is it also right for a wife to override her husband if her parenst tell her to do something and the husband diasagrees.?
Assalaamu `alaikum Warahmatullaahi Wabrakatuh,
Jazakallah for writing to us with your question.
Allow me to point out that the relationship between a couple should be one in which they consult each other on important matters at all times. Money can become a ‘bone of contention’ in a marriage and lead to lots of ill feeling and grief if problems that come up are not dealt with effectively and in a mature way. A couple should communicate with each other with respect, tolerance and understanding rather than dealing with each other as if they are adversaries in a boxing ring or worse. Allah Ta’ala did not allow marriage so that two people may hurt and destroy each other. Rather, marriage between man and woman is to bring about greater good for the couple, their families and society as a whole.
To be forthright brother, I need you to question yourself. What has led to the wife having to borrow money (why does the wife have a need to borrow money) from someone. Who is she borrowing the money from and what does she intend to do with the money? Is it not possible to discuss this with her?
You ask if it right for a wife to override her husband and be disobedient towards him. As long as her husband is not asking her to indulge in haraam and unacceptable matters, she has to obey her husband. Her first allegiance is towards her husband and not to her parents although she has to always respect and love her parents. If a husband has valid and reasonable reasons for stopping his wife from doing certain things that could affect their marital relationship negatively, she should by all means do whatever is within her power to not only obey her husband but also support him in an effort to maintain harmony in the marriage. The harmony in a marriage cannot only be maintained by one spouse. It needs hard work, commitment, understanding, tolerance, cooperation and patience from both spouses. If one spouse decides that she/he wants to do what she/he wants to and disregard the partner, then problems are bound to occur and escalate. This will be detrimental to the whole family as is can lead to the breakdown of the relationship.
I urge you to ask a learned scholar to assist you with your marital problems if you have not had success by asking her parents to intervene and help with the matter. I also urge you to take a close look at how you have been managing your marital issues and examine whether you have been unfair and overlooked your wife’s rights in any way that could have led to her behaving the way she does. May Allah Ta’ala ease your difficulties and grant both of you the hidayah to seek His pleasure by practicing the Sunnah of our beloved Nabi (Sallallaahu alayhi wassallam)in your marriage, ameen.
And Allah Ta’?la Knows Best
B.A. (Sociology & Psychology) Unisa.
Social Work (NDP) Unisa.
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Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.